More Thoughts on Masking

As I mentioned in my last blog post, the book Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity by Dr. Devin Price was one of the sources I came across that led me to seeking out an autism diagnosis. Early on in the book, Dr. price compares the way that autistic people  tend process information to the way that neurotypical people tend to process, using restaurants as an example to illustrate the points. This really hit home for me, but before I explain why, let me review the different processing styles. Neurotypical people tend to take in information using prior knowledge to take in the whole picture (top-down), while neurodivergent people, especially autistics, tend to take in each piece of information separately before putting it all together (bottom-up). Dr. Price uses restaurants as an example of what this is like, as this is a common, stressful social setting for autistic people, myself included. As I read his description, it was incredibly relatable to my own experiences.

When I go into a restaurant, especially one I haven’t been to, I am immediately inundated with information. When I was younger, this often led to a freeze response that was so intense, that I cannot process the information. For example, new fast-food restaurants were especially problematic because the menus are usually above the workers’ heads and they stare at you expectantly, waiting for your order. When this would happen, my brain would freeze to the point that I literally could not read. Over time, I learned that if I said, “I need a minute,” they would stop staring at me, my stress would then go down, and I was able to regulate to the point where my ability to read returned. I learned a lot of strategies like this overtime, such as walking into a restaurant, working to ignore everything else, expect for a sign that indicates whether I need to wait to be seated or seat myself. Strategies like these work for me much of the time, but not always.

Blurry photo of a restaurant with, people, tables, and tv in the background and two pitchers in focus near the front.

For example, when I moved to a new city, I found a tea shop that looked fun. I brought my girls to the shop and found a new, unexpected social expectation: a computer ordering system. I could feel myself begin to freeze, but I also didn’t want to fully freeze up in front of my daughters. I looked through the computer ordering system, but couldn’t find what I wanted, which was just a pot of tea for the three of us to share. I eventually asked a worker for help, they typed in my order, and I figured out how to pay, as I had done this at self-checkouts before. I managed to have a good time, but when I got home, I had to take alone time in a quiet spot for over an hour due to the stress and embarrassment of this social interaction.

In speaking with my clients, I hear stories like mine all of the time. I think this is the challenge of being a high masking autistic. We learn skills over time to manage the things that are difficult for us, but they take a toll and they don’t cover 100% of our potential social interactions. When we face a situation where our tools don’t work, instead of feeling like we can ask for some kind of support or accommodation, we feel embarrassed, stupid, like failures, like losers, etc. This is just simply not true! These experiences are not personal failures or character flaws, they are the cost of living in a world that was not made for us. If you are autistic, don’t be afraid to ask for help, to disclose your disability if you feel safe, or to share your experience with others who may also struggle and benefit from hearing your experience. I am sharing my experience in hopes that it might normalize something similar for another autistic. I have a doctoral degree, but can’t read or do math if someone is staring at me waiting for an answer. If you are neurotypical, I hope my experience will help you be more understanding and supportive of someone who seems anxious in a social setting like a restaurant, regardless of their neurotype.  

References:

American Psychological Association. (2018a). Bottom-up processing. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/bottom-up-processing

American Psychological Association. (2018b). Top-down processing. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/top-down-processing

Cork, J., (2025). What’s Your Anxiety Level? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Neurodivergent Children and Teens with Co-Occurring Anxiety Disorders. Routledge Press.

Price, D. (2022). Unmasking autism: Discovering the new faces of neurodiversity. Harmony Books.